Episode 1 – Traditions

Welcome to Marriage Mixed with Spencer and Shirley.

Marriage Mixed is a resource that opens the door on interracial marriage.

We share our real experiences from our interracial marriage, and let me tell you, it has not been easy, but it is rewarding.

We talk about our differences, what has worked for us, and what is still difficult.

We also share our views on important topics, like food, from a white guy's perspective, and from a Haitian girl's perspective.

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Our goal is to reach people like you, who may be struggling in an interracial marriage, and through the sharing of our own story, prove to you that you are not alone.

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In this series, Into the Mix, we wanted to give you the opportunity to get to know us better.

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Well, welcome to Marriage Mixed with Shirley and Spencer.

Good.

So today, I was thinking, as we sit here on the end of our bed, ready for bed, that we can talk about our holiday traditions and how they differ.

Okay.

So, right off the bat, I know that we have very different experiences with Christmas, and I know, hopefully I'm not revealing too much, but that Christmas was not a big holiday in your family, or a big thing that was celebrated.

And so I was thinking that you would share a little bit about that, and I could share about my experience, and then I wanted to ask you about the holidays, or the holiday that you did really celebrate.

So that it kind of evens out, because I have a way bigger Christmas experience than you.

I wouldn't say we didn't celebrate, we didn't do presents or anything, we just went to church.

And during, we had like a church service on Christmas Eve, and like...

What time was the service?

Whatever time we decided it'd be to be.

It was different every year?

I don't know.

It was in the evening.

Like late evening or like 5 p.m.?

So probably like 7, something like that.

It was pretty late.

Yeah, like dancing, like kids worship, kids dancing to worship songs or like a skit or different things different years.

So that was like the main thing for our Christmas.

Like people from the church coming together to watch the Christmas show, and what the kids put together, these ministry put together.

Was it like, I'm assuming it was themed, not just like a routine to a random song, but probably Christmas themed or?

Um, somewhat like they might have like the Christmas skit, or like a Christmas story play or whatever.

But, otherwise, there's like, they might do dances to different Christian songs, not necessarily Christmas songs.

Were you in those?

Yeah.

What kind of things did you do?

Just like different dances or we'll tend to have like a step team.

Step team?

Yeah, like sometimes a step is part of the show.

How is a step different than dancing?

Or is that a type of dance?

It's not a type of dance.

It's like making beats with your feet and stuff.

That's cool.

I'd like to see you do that.

I don't know if I performed, because I might not have went to enough practices.

Maybe I did perform some of it.

I don't think I performed at that, but I learned some of it, but I didn't come to enough rehearsals to perform.

I'm not sure.

One time we had an African dance, which was really popular.

The church went crazy, and they wanted us to do it again.

They were like, encore, encore.

So we came back out and redid it again.

I think, yeah.

Well, we might have performed it another time.

I don't know.

How old were you?

Do you remember?

But we wore like these like grass, long grass skirts.

What was it?

I mean, I've seen little of African dancing.

It was like the song was not no lyrics.

It was just beats.

It was pretty good, it was a good choreograph.

How do you say that word?

Choreography.

Yeah.

Who was doing the choreography?

Do you know?

Different people.

I know who did the choreography.

At least one of the people.

I don't know if there was multiple that did a choreography for that.

The African dance was just super popular.

One year, we had a theme for some type of white Christmas.

But that dance was notable.

There was another dance we did for Kirk Franklin's, one of Kirk Franklin's songs.

I don't remember the name of the song, but the first few lyrics are short, big nose, big teeth.

Something like that.

And this is a Christmas song?

It's not a Christmas song, but they just did it to that, and that one was super popular.

I didn't dance in that.

But it was a good one too.

Do they still do that, do you know?

Or has that died away since you were in it?

Maybe.

Hmm.

That sounds pretty fun.

So, I'm getting the impression that Christmas Eve was the big deal versus Christmas Day.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I mean, we worked up to performing whatever we were performing on the show, and everybody came, or like many people came from the church to watch what the kids put together.

That was the main thing.

We didn't really do presents, or decorating our house, or anything like that.

Or like Christmas dinner or anything.

But mom would go to work on Christmas usually, probably.

I don't know if she didn't go to work if we would have done it, something.

She was in the hotel industry then.

She always has been, right?

More or less.

Yeah.

But your dad wouldn't work on Christmas?

No, I don't think so.

Did you guys see family at all on Christmas?

I know on other holidays they'll come by and hang out.

Not really.

Probably not.

But I don't know, maybe.

How long did you guys prepare for the dance and step routines that you were doing?

Maybe a few months, but I'm not sure.

That's a long time.

Yeah, I mean, they probably would have practiced like once a week or something like that.

Maybe as it got closer, they would have practiced like a couple, like more than once a week.

When did the actual event finish?

If it starts around 7?

I don't know, maybe two hours or something.

Maybe three, I don't know, I'm not sure.

I guess I'm asking because I remembered that there was a holiday you guys had where it was like, maybe it's the new year where you all stay up super late as a church family, which is pretty cool.

Yeah, they stay up till midnight for the church service and then they eat.

A huge dinner.

It's not huge, it's just what they have to offer.

Like, chocolate, like Haitian hot chocolate.

And it was there, it was pretty big.

It's not that much food, it doesn't really fill you up, it's just soup.

I guess we eat soup differently.

I mean, you say soup doesn't fill you up either.

No.

And plus it's such a big batch that it might not be like as filling.

It's like more watered down.

More thin.

Yeah, that's true.

It's so good though, tastes so very comforting to eat.

Well, there's a lot more there than I thought.

It's cool to hear all that.

Thanks for sharing.

Yes, we did do stuff for Christmas, it just was insane.

Yeah, I see that.

Well, I assumed wrong.

It's an example of, I don't know, just expecting one thing and it being different.

For my side, for Christmas, the biggest day was definitely Christmas, but we did a lot for Thanksgiving, for Christmas Eve.

I feel like most people would have off.

I don't think my dad, maybe he would work, but he'd come home a little early, maybe, if he did.

And we'd be excited all day.

And when I was little, up until maybe I was 15, we'd have some long time family friends would come over, two couples that we knew for years and years, and we would do a family skit for them, which they really enjoyed.

What was this, Christmas Day?

It was Christmas Eve, and I feel like it was probably after dinner, but we would have a big dinner with ham and potatoes and everything else that you can imagine.

And then later on, we started doing dessert before dinner, which was very luxurious for the rest of my family.

And I enjoyed it too, but also didn't because you feel like garbage before you actually get to the real food.

But it was fun.

Then the plays were really fun.

We wouldn't practice for months by any means, and we would all put our own spin on it.

And I'd always do something ridiculous and silly, make people laugh, which was fun.

But it would be like the Christmas story that we would do.

And then after that, we might have another round of dessert or something, and then we would do stockings, and our friends who were visiting, because they wouldn't be there on Christmas, would give us gifts, which always missed the mark.

But we're sweet.

Because for some reason, those two couples didn't have any children, so they didn't really know what to get kids, or what age-appropriate gifts.

You'd always get something that's way too young, or just doesn't even appeal to you.

And my parents, particularly my mom, was super good at giving gifts, so it was pretty harsh when you get a gift that's not very good, because mom knew exactly what you liked, and just would get you great gifts.

Did you open it in front of them, you guys?

We did, and it was terrible.

How did y'all react?

We always tried to have a nice, big reaction, but for me, it was like crushing my soul, because it was like, oh, I have to act excited, and I hate this.

So y'all faked it?

Yeah, it wasn't good.

So do you still fake it, when someone gives you a gift that you don't want?

It's probably my instinct, unfortunately.

I don't want to do that, though.

But yeah, it was sad.

I remember when I was like...

Because we love those couples so much.

It's like, it doesn't even matter what they got.

It's the fact that they're thinking of us was so sweet.

And we love them.

It's the thought that counts.

But you probably shouldn't fake a reaction.

No.

Just be mellow.

Just be like, thank you.

Like I do, I just say thank you.

But I might end up really liking it later, or I might not like it.

But I just think to you in the little dawn.

That's not the way my family-

Don't ask me, don't ask me if I love it.

What am I supposed to say?

It's terrible when people do that.

Anyway, don't put that part in.

Because...

And then we do poppers, which is a UK tradition.

One of the couples is from the UK.

Grab one side, pop it, and a little gift comes out.

They're always silly, and we do that.

And then Christmas Day was huge, and we would do the Christmas...

Well, first of all, we'd all go to sleep, and we wouldn't be allowed to wake up until we heard Emmanuel by...

Grant, Amy Grant?

Yeah, which is a great song and very appropriate.

So when we heard that song, we were all allowed to come out.

We'd barrel out and stub our toes and hurt each other because we were running so fast.

We were all supposed to sit down at the dinner table.

And then for a long time, we'd have a little peppermint candy cane, like the old fashioned kind that are straight and actually tastes good in a little tin can.

And mom did that because she loved Little House on the Prairie, and the woman who wrote those, Laura Ingalls Wilder, that was what they got for Christmas one year.

And they were on the frontier in America in the 1800s, so getting anything for Christmas was huge.

And the guy who brought it to them literally traveled to get to them, bringing it through frozen rivers in the snow.

And it was just crazy that they got a gift like that on Christmas.

They got their own tin cup.

I think they got a penny in the cup, too.

And they got a candy cane, which was like...

So basically, it was just...

She was showing us that we have so much, you know?

And for them, that was a huge thing because they were so poor.

So that was always...

felt meaningful, made me realize, wow, we have a lot from a young age.

And then dad would be super sleepy, but would read the Christmas story to us all.

And they'd have...

they took it so extreme that they'd have all the presents in one room, and they'd block off the room with like blankets.

So they'd like set up chairs and blankets that you couldn't see into the room.

Like, so we're all like waiting for the blanks to come off so we can see what's in the room.

I remember when we were little, and it's not an exaggeration, the room was full of gifts.

Like, the entire room was full of gifts.

Which room?

The front room?

The front room, yeah.

Literally, gifts on the wall, gifts on the floor, gifts piling up to the couch, just gifts everywhere.

We'd be like, literally flipping out.

That would be like, all right, take a picture.

I'm like, I need to see a picture of this room full of gifts.

That was ridiculous.

But you guys were kids.

Yeah, and they had five kids and they got each of you how many gifts?

There was no like, no amount.

We would all give each other a gift.

So right there, that's 25 gifts or is my math wrong?

Each kid getting other kids to give 20 gifts.

It's 20?

Yeah.

How are you getting that from five times four?

Because you are getting gifts for four people.

Good job.

You got 20 gifts.

And then mom and dad would get each of us three gifts.

So that's 25 more gifts.

And then they would get approximately 14 to 15 gifts from Jesus that were just for the whole family.

So there was a ton of gifts.

Not to mention the gifts they got each other.

How many gifts did they get each other?

Usually three.

So there was about 70 gifts.

How long did it take you to open this?

From 6 a.m.

when we got up to about noon, we would open them one at a time.

The whole family would watch as each one was opened to celebrate for the day.

Oh, that's so great.

And then we'd go like youngest to oldest.

So it was a very special time, and we'd have food and eat, well, you know, take a break and then go back to the gifts.

And usually by then, we were like stuffed and exhausted from the gifts.

And then everybody would just chill and play with their gifts all day.

It's fantastic.

And then we'd all be depressed the next day.

The after Christmas blues.

We haven't done that for our children.

Last year, we got our eldest child two gifts, a tiny little stuffed pet and a book.

This year, we got our children.

We got each of them one gift and one of them a gift to share.

So we got three gifts in total.

Probably need to get them more.

I mean, they do get a lot from your...

My mom.

Your parents.

I mean, your parents, your family.

It was really fun talking about this with you.

You done?

Yeah.

Unless you had other questions or something you wanted to talk about.

The differences of an Anglo-American and a first or quasi second generation...

I should say Haitian American.

Haitian American.

First generation Haitian American.

But...

I am the first generation Haitian American.

First American.

But they're the first generation for that.

I'm the first generation Haitian American.

This is a good case for both.

But I know what you're saying.

Thanks for being on the show with me, Henry.

Thanks for listening to our mixed...

Marriage Mixed.

Thanks for listening to our Marriage...

Mixed.